Kids Say...Part 2 or 3?

A few days ago Jordan said to Sasha, "Sasha, you're so cute. You're the cutest girl I ever saw." And she replied, "Yeah."

Thinking of cute things my kids say reminded me of something Sasha said this past spring. My friend Beth was watching the kids for me while I was interviewing some people for an article I was writing. When I came to pick them up, the first thing Sasha said was, "Mom, Bethie touched my butt." Turned out, Sasha had a dirty diaper and Beth had changed her. It was hilarious. I guess I don't need to worry about Sasha keeping any "bad touch" incidents to herself at any rate!

Jordan's Favorites

One of the things that makes me happy is reading kids' writing when they're just learning. Lately one of the best parts of my day is when Jordan shows me what he brought home from school in his folder. I love finding out what's going on in his head. Here's a few samples with captions (in case you have a hard time reading them).


My favorite things to do
1. Play the wii
2. Play
3. Go to parties


My Favorite Food
1. cheese burger
2. mac and cheese
3. pizza
4. ketchup
5. ice cream
6. turkey

Sasha's Third Birthday

The best thing about warm Novembers is going to the park for Sasha's birthday (this was our second year in a row). I felt bad because "the big day" was none too fun. Sasha was recovering from a fever (meaning mommy wouldn't let her have any sugar) and both Justin and I had to work, so the only time we were together was at breakfast. We did sing Happy Birthday before Jordan left for school, and I managed to dig up a gold party hat and three yellow balloons (the last ones in the party box). We didn't even have her present because we decided to get her a sled and Target (the only store we'd had time to look at) didn't have them in stock yet. Luckily, by Sunday the 7th, which was the first day we had time to celebrate, Sasha was feeling better and the weather was beautiful. Our friends Pete and Beth came over with their two little girls, Mae and Violet and we went to the park. The kids had lots of fun playing in the leaves while the guys played football and Beth and I talked (what else?). Then we came home for supper, cake and presents. Sasha got some new ponies and her own chapstick from the Rozaks (she opened that before we went to the park, and it shows up in almost all the pictures since she wouldn't let me hold on to it for her). I managed to find a very reasonably priced sled at Farm and Fleet, as well as a little red snow shovel and a My Little Pony puzzle. Sasha loves puzzles so much right now that she'll often inform me that she's done all of her puzzles, and ask to do some of Jordan's. Anyway, we had a great time and got some pretty good pictures too!

Sasha on the slide.

Mae & Sasha, ready to go.

Made it to the bottom!

Putting leaves on Violet.

Jordan joins in.

Indian Summer?

Today was such a good day. I got a lot accomplished with a minimum of stress and whining. Admin. asst. work, freelance work, two loads of laundry, made Jordan's bday party invitations, dishes, remembered to give Jordan his allowance and have him take a shower, balanced my checkbook, paid bills, swept out the garage and some other stuff. The best part of the day was after lunch. Since the weather was nice I forced myself to take Sasha for a walk. We went on my favorite walk through downtown, through the cemetery and then to Smithfield Park. Even if it was cloudy, it was a gorgeous fall day with lots of crunchy leaves everywhere. At the park I decided to do some yoga while Sasha played. Don't know why that's never occurred to me before. So I did a Pilates exercise for my imaginary abs, four repetitions of salute to the sun, and every other yoga pose I could think of for about twenty minutes. It was relaxing, invigorating and made me feel both somewhat kooky and fairly cool. Then we finished up with a few underducks on the swing for her and a few leaps off the moving swing for me. Now I wonder how hard it is to do yoga in full snow gear?

I Like Quizzes, But...

Jordan has recently taken to p0lling the family on a variety of topics as a stalling tactic anytime he's supposed to be accomplishing things. I think it irritates me more than anyone else, particularly because his favorite time to do it is when I'm trying to eat. Questions range from "Mom, what's your favorite color?" to "Mom, what do you think the smallest animal in the world is?" to "Mom, what is your least favorite food?". Of course, he asks me the same questions day after day too, and I'm expected to then in turn ask him his favorite/least favorite/etc. whatever. The other day he informed me, word for word, "My least favorite color is tan. Even though I like tan on my skin, that doesn't necessarily mean..."

Speaking of skin color, for a while last year Jordan was very into talking about differences in skin color. Any time the kids bring up differences between people we respond by saying, "Yep, God made everybody different." So while they realize that people are different colors "like crayons" as Jordan used to say, they don't realize that this is a touchy subject for some people. Anyway, before Jordan started kindergarten he was speculating on what the kids in his class might be like, and wondering if any of them would be "brown" like his friend Rolly who is Hispanic. Last year some new neighbors (who happen to be black) moved in across the street. Jordan was really excited to see that they had some children and told me all about the "kids with color skin" (a description he fabricated all on his own) across the street. While I'm reluctant to explain political correctness and racial sensitivity to him because I prefer to have him think about people without regards to their race, I do hope he learns to be more circumspect before he gets his little white butt kicked.

No Flu Shot For Us

Although H1N1 is rumored to be more severe than a typical flu, the CDC’s own data shows that hospitalization and death rates are lower for H1N1 than those for seasonal flu. Vaccine manufacturers stand to make billions of dollars by selling these vaccines (an excellent reason for their fear-mongering). The few short term tests done on these vaccines did not include the adjuvants (immune boosters) that are added to the vaccines before distribution, some of which have been shown to be associated with very high incidences of devastating autoimmune diseases. Because this vaccine has been fast-tracked, many of the usual safety precautions used to prevent contamination of the vaccines have been overlooked by the regulatory agencies. According to a number of studies, vaccine contamination is widespread, with vaccines containing pestivirus, mycoplasma, viral fragments, DNA fragments and bacterial components, all of which can produce chronic systemic disorders, cancer, neurologic diseases and even slow brain degeneration. Ingredients in flu shots include Polysorbate 80 (which can cause severe allergic reactions, including anaphylaxis), formaldehyde (a known carcinogen), resin (known to cause allergic reactions), Aluminum (a neurotoxin that has been linked to Alzheimer’s disease), Phenol (a suspected carcinogen which may cause harmful effects on the central nervous system, heart, liver and kidneys, especially with repeated exposure), and Ethylene glycol (antifreeze). Thimerosal (mercury, which is implicated in Alzheimer’s disease and autism) is still included in multi-dose vials of flu vaccine. Each dose from one of these vials contains more than 250 times the Environmental Protection Agency’s safety limit for mercury. A recent study published in the Archives of Pediatric & Adolescent Medicine found that "significant influenza vaccine effectiveness could not be demonstrated for any season, age, or setting examined”.

As Time Goes By

People keep asking me how I'm doing. "Fine, OK, alright, good, hanging in there," I say. And I am all of those things. What I don't say is, "I feel guilty." How can I live my life as though everything is normal when Miriam and Eric have had someone so precious torn from their life? How can I ask my kids to be quiet so I can read (a Harry Potter book for the 5th or so time) instead of making the most of every minute I'm blessed to have them here with me? How can I want to laugh when I hear Sasha insisting that Jordan and/or "Tiny Baby" have to pretend to be sick and die and Jordan protesting that he doesn't want to play that when I was, am, and will continue to be devastated by the death of my tiny niece and know that they miss her too? I remind myself that I didn't see Hailey daily, weekly, or even every month and so my daily life has never revolved around her and won't now. I know I have a family to care for and work to do and can't function if I continue as I was: crying at the drop of a hat, with a headache that wouldn't quit, and with a barrage of thoughts, images and feelings that wouldn't let me sleep at night. I know that the faith I have that God has taken Hailey to her heavenly home is what enables me to cope. And I know that I won't be "fine" every minute of every day. So many things bring Hailey to mind. I know that even if I try to push it all away, I'll continue to break down from time to time. I like Sasha's way of handling things. When Hailey was sick we were praying for her every night at bedtime. Being as much a creature of habit as all little ones, each night Sasha asks to say a prayer for Hailey. And so every night we thank God for bringing Hailey to be with him in heaven where she will always be happy. And Sasha goes to bed happy too.

A Letter to Miss Hailey Mae

Dear Hailey,
I will never forget the day your mother told me she was pregnant with you. When she asked me to take a walk with her I knew what she was going to say. I felt joy that our family was going to be blessed with another baby, but I knew that your mom and dad would have a hard road ahead of them. I never could have imagined just how hard it would be.

When your mama had your ultrasound and told us she was having a little girl I was so excited. I could picture you and Sasha playing dolls and dress up together, growing up together, talking about boys together, staying close when you had children of your own. I had so much fun planning your baby shower, crocheting your tiny pink hat and passing on the clothes that Sasha had outgrown.

We were all impatient for you to be born. Those hours and hours in the hospital were some of the longest of my life. I was so proud of your mama; her strength and endurance amazed me. And I saw how much your daddy loved both of you, how scared he was for you, and how joyful when you were safely delivered.

For the last nineteen months you’ve been our family’s baby. Miss Hailey Mae, adored by cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents alike. You were always cheerful, unless you were missing your mama and daddy. I’ll never forget your smile, the way you pointed to everyone you saw, asking who they were and showing that you were glad to see them, or how you loved to twine anyone and everyone’s hair around your little fingers.

I wish I had spent more time with you while you were here and made more time for Jordan, Sasha and Karlye to play with you. They were always so excited to see you. It was so much fun when you and your mama would come stay overnight with us when your daddy was away for work.

Memories from your last days here on earth overwhelm me. Hailey looking so sick on Labor Day. Hailey in the hospital hooked up to IVs and monitors. The nurse joking while she brought in your tiny little bag of blood. Hailey, so sedated after surgery, forcing her eyes open to smile at Sasha and me while maintaining a death grip on her juice. Hailey finally up and around, playing so seriously with play dough and markers. Hailey at home the day before you left us, rubbing my back but slapping my hand away when I tried to touch yours. You playing with Sasha’s hair while she played with yours. Hailey waving goodbye one last time.

Thank you Hailey for the nineteen months you gave us. Your life and death has touched everyone who knew you and many who didn’t. All of us who love you will carry a hole in our hearts that will never be filled on this earth. To me, the wait seems long and heaven far away. But you are home, held in God’s loving hands. We praise God that you have been blessed with eternal joy and peace, no more sorrow, no more pain, and we know that we will see you again one day.
Love, Your Auntie Hannah

Miss Hailey Mae

Sasha and Hailey on the 4th of July

From last Monday when I saw how ill my 18-month-old niece Hailey was, to Thursday when she was diagnosed with leukemia, to tonight when we received the news that the cancer hasn't spread to her spinal fluid, I've gone through a wide range of emotions. Some of them were expected - gut-wrenching fear, helplessness, grief, thankfulness after today's news. Others were unexpected. I never thought that even a diagnosis of cancer would be a relief from the terror of not knowing what was wrong or if anything could be done. I didn't know I and others around me even more affected by the situation could find so many things to be sincerely thankful for. I've never witnessed first hand such an immense outpouring of support and love for a young family. I hadn't realized how one word could erase all of my trivial worries and help me focus on what's truly important. I forgot until I saw Jordan's sorrow and fear for his cousin, and the care Sasha took to be quiet and gentle when we visited the hospital how much children can understand and how strong their love for one another can be. As Hailey struggles for health, as Miriam and Eric struggle for strength and patience and hope, and as all of us who love Hailey struggle to come to terms with her illness, I thank God for the many ways he has blessed us all and I pray that I forget none of the lessons that I'm learning.

To see updates on Hailey and offer support visit https://www.carepages.com/carepages/HaileysCarePage

To learn more about more about acute lymphoblastic leukemia visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acute_lymphoblastic_leukemia

Although at this point Hailey does not need a bone marrow transplant, many leukemia patients are waiting desperately for a donor. To read an article I wrote that has some information on bone marrow transplants and the Bone Marrow Registry visit http://www.stoughtonnews.com/main.asp?SectionID=2&SubSectionID=2&ArticleID=634

Stinking Splint!

This is why I shouldn't write about things when they're going well - I jinx myself. Yesterday, a week and a half away from Jordan's x-ray appointment, his patched splint popped it's patch. Jordan thinks the wheelies he was popping at the time are to blame, even though he didn't fall down or anything. Surprisingly, driving to UW Hospital for casting, cast removal, x-rays and splint fixing is not my favorite thing to do. Especially now that no matter which way I go to get there I'm confronted by major construction and stand still traffic. So I called Jordan's doctor to see if we could get in early for x-rays and maybe ditch the splint altogether, but that was a no-go. So, since he starts school and soccer tomorrow and I'm not interested in taking any chances, we made another emergency trip to occupational therapy where they fixed his splint with super glue (they were out of Bondo). Granted they used some type of heating device to remold it a bit and tack the layers of plastic together a little better, but I think Justin could have super-glued the thing at home. Anyway, we're good to go for tomorrow, and hopefully this patch job will last til x-rays next week.